Dance recital

This weekend I went to see Lindsay’s dance recital at Easton, but before I tell you about how that went I want to tell you a little bit about Lindsay. She is my very best friend we have been ever since I can remember. We are neighbors and she has lived behind me my whole life. We grew up together so it’s pretty safe to say that she is my other half. We can finish each others sentences and basically read each others minds. We are so much alike that sometimes I think we are long lost sisters. I can come to her with anything and she always knows how to make me feel better. She brings out the best in me and we can barely go a day with out seeing each other. She is also a phenomenal dancer, which brings me back to what I was supposed to be talking about, Lindsay’s dance recital… There was a stage set up on the patio behind Brio and the Pinnell Dance Centre put on a show for everyone who wanted to see. You had to bring your own chair but it was free. There were about twenty different dances and Lindsay was in five of them. She does ballet which is for teaching proper technique. She did a gothic ballet which was different than anything I’ve ever seen before. She hates ballet but it is required in order to take other classes. She also does lyrical which is a style of dance that is meant to tell a story. Hers was about bringing home the troops. The music was very sad a powerful and they used yellow ribbons and wore army jackets as props. Lyrical is her favorite. She also does jazz. Her song was I took the night it is a fun up-beat song set in a dance club they did a dance battle and it was very funny. Linds is also in senior production jazz, a small elite group of dancers put together for competitions. The song for this group was a mix of its raining men and they danced with umbrellas. It was very impressive and they did a lot of difficult turns and flexibility stunts. Lastly Lindsay did hip-hop which is a new and upcoming style of dance including popping crumping and break dancing. This one was my favorite. After the show we went and ate at Chipotle went summer shopping at the mall and had a sleepover.

Jackson, Ohio

This weekend I went to Jackson Ohio. It was a lot of fin because I got to see my little brother mason at his football camp. He is in seventh grade and has talent far beyond his years. He goes to Jackson to train with a man named Andy Hall. He has received coach of the year three years running and was the quarterback coach behind many of this year’s top draft picks such as Cam Newton and Blaine Gabbert. He was also the quarterback coach at OSU behind Cooper and helps coach the NFL as well as college all star games. He is a very skilled man and he has his eye on my brother Mason to help sculpt and mold into the greatest QB that he can possibly be. Everyone in my family is very excited about the experience.  You see I come from a very football oriented family… MY dad played football through high school and college my bother is following in his footsteps my mom cheered and I am following in hers and we are all huge OSU and Steelers fans. Mason hopes to be in the NFL someday. I wouldn’t mind that for a few reasons, one id have great seats and who doesn’t love going to an NFL game? And two I could probably snag a nice team mate to make into my boyfriend. Haha. However, what I don’t want to do is move to Jackson. Andy Hall has been asking us to move down there so he can make Mason the quarterback of his high school team, my dad and my brother like the idea a lot but I don’t at all. It is not fair to take me away from GLHS right after I’ve gotten settled in, made my friends, and joined my sports and activities. Especially now that I’m going to be an upperclassman and start earning my perks. I swear I will protest if they try to make me move. My dad and my brother can move for all I care but as for my mom my sister and I, were happy right where we are.

"Every action has an equal and opposite reaction"

Joel Espen was an angel lended to us by god himself. In life he always put the wants and needs of others before his own and his joy came from giving and helping. He was a modern day superman and you couldn’t help but to love him despite of his different and unique personality. He had an aura about him. Something that made you feel like everything was okay and that is why he touched the lives of so many people. He was a family man and was often seen with his younger sisters Tabbatha and Claire, if he wasn’t too busy helping his parents around the house. He was a great son and brother and it seemed that he was the glue that held the Espen family together. He also spent a lot of time with his neighbors Miles and Norah McGuire. He had found his best friend and girl friend all in one household and they had become inseparable over the years. They could barely go a day with out seeing each other before suffering withdrawals. When he wasn’t with friends or family he was out in the world trying to make a difference, he was involved with boy scouts as well as the church and made the best out of every moment of it. Joel was an extraordinary boy and his life as well as his death made a huge impact on everyone that knew him. But God took him back he needed his angel and Joel was meant for beautiful wings and halos. He was born for helping. We can only hope that he will still be watching over us from up above. Rest in peace Joel, we all miss you, we all love you.

A life is not important except in the impact it has made on other lives.

Scout Dies in Grand Canyon,

No Water to Blame

WEST HAVEN- It was three days into their hike at the Grand Canyon National Park when Joel Espen’s Boy Scout group ran out of water.

            Long after the three adult leaders of the group had collapsed under the 112-degree heat, Joel Espen, 16, and Miles McGuire, 17, were rushing to the Colorado River to get water.

            However, Espen never made it to the river. He collapsed from heat exhaustion and dehydration a few hundred yards away.

            “Joel kept urging everyone towards the river,” said McGuire, “Joel gave all he had to help others, including his water. He’s been my best friend for years. That’s just the way he is, selfless and kind hearted.”

            The group consisted of scout master Paul Smith, scouting veterans Lloyd and Glenn Peterson, and five boys. The hikers couldn’t have been more prepared. “The boys knew the area and so did the leaders… Espen’s death was nobody’s fault. It was something that couldn’t be helped.”

            Still, Joel’s death raises questions about the readiness of the group, whose trip was okayed by the Boy Scout Council. Each hiker carried about two gallons of water, which was approved by scout master Smith, who had traveled the route before. However, according to the Grand Canyon National Park, more then twice that much is needed for a three day hike.

            After the group ran out of water, Smith was the first to fall under the heat. He hid under the shade of a rock while the others continued toward the river. Shortly after that, the other two adults needed to stop and find shade. This left the boys on their own.

            “Of all of them, Joel should have made it,” said Smith. “He was the toughest one of all.”

Get around people who have something of value to share with you. Their impact will continue to have a significant effect on your life long after they have departed.

Funeral Service for Joel Everett Espen

Invocation Todd Espen

Opening Hymn Amazing grace

Eulogy Tabbatha Espen

Speaker Mark Espen, Jr.

Remarks President Brent Bedell

Closing Hymn How Great Thou Art

Benediction Lily Espen

Monday’s child is fair of face

Tuesday’s child is full of grace

Wednesday’s child is full of woe

Thursday’s child has far to go

Friday’s child is loving and giving

Saturday’s child must work hard for a living

But the child that’s born on the Sabbath day

Is fair and wise and good and gay

In loving memory

June 24, 1990 – June 10, 2007

Pallbearers:

Todd Espen

Mark Espen, Jr.

Miles McGuire

Glenn Peterson

Lloyd M. Peterson

Paul Smith

When you love people and have the desire to make a profound positive impact upon them then you will have accomplished the meaning to live.

August 10

Mood: Worried

Music: Crazy- Gnarls Barkley

I went crazy before you left. I guess that I should take some pride in that considering you weren’t what broke me down. However, you were what made me stronger and being here with out you is scary and hard. I don’t know what is going to happen to me with out my brace to hold me up but I’m trying to be strong like you were. I always wished I could be more like you, the one that could fix anything. It must have been a lot of pressure because the family can’t do it with out you. You’re gone and so is everyone else, mentally at least. You didn’t leave anything behind except an everlasting impact on us all. We will never forget you or the lessons you taught us before you left. However, the holes you left in our lives will never be filled they will only widen with time. So, I’m doing everything I can to stay close to you while I can. Starting with this journal, you told me to do it so I did. I remember you saying “Tabbs you are such a great writer you have to get yourself out there. Start with something simple, write a journal.” You were my sunshine Joel, you really were. You could light up anyone’s day, even me the depressed and psychopathic little sister. I’m not sure what it was about you that had such an impact on me, but I think it was the way you looked at me differently than everyone else. You saw me for my potential and what I had hiding way deep down and not just my nerdy shell that pretended not to care what anyone thought.  You told me I was beautiful “Fair of face” to be exact. Like that nursery rhyme you lived your life by, the one that was on your funeral service program. You were the only one who called me pretty and even I didn’t believe you. It wasn’t until after you were gone that I dug deep down to find this “Pretty Tabbs” you saw. You would be proud of me Joel. I feel pretty I’m finally doing something for me, something that makes me feel good and I found my self confidence too. I’m starting to have the life I always wanted. I’m just sorry that I couldn’t do that while you were here so you could see, but I just want you to know that I couldn’t have done it with out you. You were the voice in my head that told me what to do, the hand I could hold when I was scared, and the guiding light at the end of the tunnel. I miss you Joel, but I’m doing alright.

                                                                                                            Until next time,

                                                                                                            Tabbatha

Caring about others, running the risk of feeling and leaving an impact on people brings happiness.

Dear family,

You probably didn’t even notice I was gone; We live in the same house, but it might as well be different worlds. We all are locked up in our rooms moping about Joel every second of the day. That is not what he would want. In fact he would want the exact opposite and I know that for a fact. I talk to him a lot (I’m not crazy I promise). I talk to him in the mirror, and I ask him what he would tell me if he was here. He gives me advice just like he used to. He told me to look inside myself and follow my heart and that I had far to go in my life. I can’t stop just because he is gone, I have to keep dreaming and reaching for the stars. He was my big brother and his life as well as death had a huge impact on me. I wanted to be just like him. He inspired me. However, I have realized that I can’t be Joel… I have to be Claire. The only thing that I can do is learn from him, listen to him, and find myself in the process. That is what I am doing. That is why I am here in New York. I’m doing what Joel was never able to do and I’m doing something for myself. I love it here and I’m finding a brand new me, Joel helped me do this. He helped me move on and for that I love him so much. If you loved him you would let him help you like I let him help me. You would move on so he could too.

                                                                                                                        XOXO,

                                                                                                                        Claire

P.S.  Don’t worry I’ll be home sooner than you can miss me.

You can never have an impact on society if you have never changed yourself.

How can you be so mean?

We weren’t even friends

You liked my brother not me

You came over and were such a tease

It was raining outside

You took off my shirt

You smelled of orange tic-tacs

And you smiled a smirk

You kissed me I thought you loved me

But no you just left

That’s the last time I saw you

But there are questions I kept

I have so many things left to ask

I feel that now I have to hide in a mask

I can’t show the tears I cry

I can’t be moping about some guy

You’re already gone

You weren’t even mine

I wish I knew if your death was a sign

I can’t tell if you ever loved me

But I was in love

It might have been short lived

But it was enough

I never had anyone

No mom no sister no brother no dad

They might have been here

But they still made me sad

You made me happy and then you left

It was only a second

But it’s the one I kept

I can’t let it go

You made an impact on me

It continues to grow

The way you helped everyone

The ones you didn’t know

You had such a radiance

You were always so nice

Was your life a sacrifice?

I really did love you

I promise that’s true

Why did you leave Joel?

Do you miss me too?

My heart has stopped beating

Your kiss was the seal

Because the boy with the orange breath

Stole Cinderella’s heel

You must get involved to make an impact.

GEOMETRICAL SHAPES

It might be drawing; it may be considered art, but really its just lines and correct measurements. It is simply THINKING. I’ve never been able to draw anything with out thinking. In fact, I’ve never been able to do anything with out thinking. Thinking is what I do, it’s what my dad wants me to do, and it’s what I’m good at. But, it’s not what I like. I feel trapped. I want to FEEL, not think. I want to be free.

BETH

X needs to be more realistic

This is my debate partner she is absolutely clueless. She is ruining my life because she made me loose. I never loose. Winning means being smart and being smart is the only thing I’m good at and she is taking that away. With out my intelligence I have nothing, but I think I might like it.

KJ

X needs to be more symmetrical

This is my brother; he is the most popular guy in the school. I hate living in his shadow. Even with the brightest light in the world I know I will never escape it. I will never be able to live up to him. I will never be any where near as good as him.

DAD

X needs to be in perspective

This is my dad he is reading and studying as always. This is the only way I ever see him, and the only way I can make him proud. But, it is the only thing keeping me from being free. I’m caught in the middle.

CLAIRE

X Nothing?

This is Joel’s little sister, this is the best picture I’ve ever drawn. I did it with out thinking, I felt it. My mind was on Joel. Joel was a classmate of mine that passed away recently. It is weird how we were never close but I feel like I knew him somehow. He was that one kid who didn’t care what anyone thought he did what made him free no matter what. I think that I’m going to follow in his footsteps, funny how a stranger can make the biggest impact on you.

Impact, it can affect change - it can not only move us, it makes us move.

LIFE LESSONS LIST

1. The heart wants what the heart wants

(Mine wants Miles but Miles wants Joel)

2. Getting over a loss is a slow and unsteady process

3. Life is meant to be lived in happiness, not sorrow

4. Sometimes moving on is better than holding on

(Even though it won’t feel like it at first)

5. Everything you do affects someone else

(No matter how big or small)

6. If you love someone let them go

This list is very small compared to all the things that Joel taught me. He wasn’t my friend but he was my boyfriend’s best friend. Miles and Joel were connected at the hip and when Joel left he took most of Miles with him. It was through this experience that he impacted my life as well. Miles couldn’t handle the death of his best friend, it caused something in him to snap and all of a sudden he became a different person. He had a hole in his heart where Joel was supposed to go and in turn left a hole in mine where he was supposed to go. I thought that this hole would never dissolve but as time passed on the sadness began to disappear and my mind began to distance. A new man crept into my life and I knew that I had to let Miles go. I loved him but I couldn’t help him so I had to set him free, he needed to be free like Joel. Everyone deserves to be happy, even me.

As impact becomes even more apparent, it becomes clear that the recovery will be lengthy.

Why is it that I almost died and I can only remember part of it? How come there’s only this one scene, playing over and over, and nothing else? Why is it that I can remember all the things that don’t matter and not the things that do? The pamphlet had a big question mark on it with a bunch of clouds around it, but I can’t remember why there wasn’t enough water, and why I let Joel give his away instead of drink it?

            All I remember is seeing the river, trying to run, but I couldn’t. I was too tired.

            Joel was worse. He was barely even walking, just swaying back and forth.

            But, I could see the river. I was all “Come on, man,” even though talking hurt.

            Joel just smiled. His eyes were all sunken in and it was a smile that didn’t look like one. “My pocket knife is in my pocket.”

            He was delirious. He needed water. “I see the river,” I said. “We’re almost there.”

            “Get my pocket knife out of my pocket,” he said. “I want you to have it Miles. I want you to have it to remember me. I love you.” It was all slurred and mumbled.

            “Yeah, okay,’ I said, and then Joel collapsed, hard, and he hit his head when he fell. There wasn’t that much blood just a thin line down his face, so I thought, that’s a good sign, right? Not much blood?

            Then his eyes rolled back and forth and his breathing got fast. Really fast and I could hear him take each breath. That’s a good sign, right? That he was still breathing?

            “I’m going to get water,” I said. “Just hold on.”

            “Knife,” slurred Joel. “Take the knife.”

I took the knife I still have it. It’s on the dashboard of my car. The car I’m sitting in right now outside of Brother Smith’s house. It was his fault that Joel died, and he should have to suffer like Joel did. He was the oldest. He was the leader. He should have given up his water, not Joel. He should have died, not my best friend. And he should have to pay.

            I see him walking down the street; I grab the knife, and jump out of the car. I flip up the blade; I see his life flash before his eyes, like I did with Joel. My heart sinks.

            I think of the impact Joel had on me and how much I miss him. How much Brother Smith may have impacted someone else and how much they need him like I need Joel. I can’t do it. Joel would have been the better person and forgave Brother Smith. In fact, he probably wouldn’t have blamed him in the first place.

I’m not like Joel, I never have been. Especially now, now that he’s gone. I’m not as strong with out him. I need to find a release from my sorrow. I need to make things fair, but they can’t be. I flip the blade back in and I stand face to face with Smith. He’s shaking I thought that’s what I wanted but its not. It’s not what Joel would want. So I say “He forgives you man. He forgives you.” He just looks at me and I look back. It hurts. I don’t know why, but it does. So I turn around and leave.

            I miss Joel. I’m not the same with out him.

Sometimes the people whom we've know for only a short amount of time have a bigger impact on us than those we've known forever.

Impact, it hits you like a ton of bricks and the sting isn’t quick to leave. It was a vague theme to use for my project but it was also the most important aspect of the book. You see, The Way He Lived had a separate chapter for each person Joel made an impact on in his life and each person had a very different and unique personality. I couldn’t have combined them in any so; I kept them separate and chose the genre that best fit the character I was writing for. For example, I used a diary journal for Tabatha for a few reasons. First, she was the kind of person that kept everything to herself but was boiling over with feelings on the inside; the only way to truly get to know her was through her diary. I also chose this genre because in the book Joel told her to write a journal and I thought that was a good way to tie her and Joel’s impact together. For Claire I did a post card because the most important part of her chapter was how she needed to get away from everything and how New York changed her life. I decided to do drawings with captions for Alden because she was always doodling and taking notes in her notebook and I thought that this was the best way to portray her in the project as well. Norah was always writing poetry as a release from her hectic life so naturally I wrote a poem for her.  Miles was the only one who witnessed Joel’s death so I thought that a flashback to that scene was a very important aspect to the project. Last but not least, Lissa. Lissa was very hard to pick a genre for because she talked more about Miles than she did Joel, she was the odd ball to the theme of the book. But, after careful consideration I picked a life lessons list because of all the changes that she had to make in her life. All and all I liked this project as well as the book because each had many different aspects and it kept me interested. At first it was hard but once I found a common theme between all my characters it became more clear and I came to realize not only the impact that Joel had on his friends and family but also the impact that he and this project had on myself. Through this experience I have learned how to use many different types of writing as well as how much of an impact one person can truly make.

"Every action has an equal and opposite reaction"

Dear reader,
During the last few weeks I was assigned a multi-genre project, in which I had to read a book and find a theme to blog about. Throughout the blog I am supposed to use different genres to display this theme. The book the that I read is titled "The Way He Lived" and the theme that I found was impact. The reason that I chose this theme was because of Joel Espen, the main character in the book "The Way He Lived". Joel Espen was sixteen years old with green eyes that could see right into your heart and a selfless need to save people. Even the way he died reflected the way he lived,helping others. In my blog you will see how his life, as well as his death, made an impact on the lives of many others.

 

 

"A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives."

 

 

 

 

Joel Espen was an angel lended to us by god himself. In life he always put the wants and needs of others before his own and his joy came from giving and helping. He was a modern day superman and you couldn’t help but to love him despite of his different and unique personality. He had an aura about him. Something that made you feel like everything was okay and that is why he touched the lives of so many people. He was a family man and was often seen with his younger sisters Tabbatha and Claire, if he wasn’t too busy helping his parents around the house. He was a great son and brother and it seemed that he was the glue that held the Espen family together. He also spent a lot of time with his neighbors Miles and Norah McGuire. He had found his best friend and girl friend all in one household and they had become inseparable over the years. They could barely go a day with out seeing each other before suffering withdrawals. When he wasn’t with friends or family he was out in the world trying to make a difference, he was involved with boy scouts as well as the church and made the best out of every moment of it. Joel was an extraordinary boy and his life as well as his death made a huge impact on everyone that knew him. But God took him back he needed his angel and Joel was meant for beautiful wings and halos. He was born for helping people and now he can do that by gods side. We can only hope that he will still be watching over us from up above. Rest in peace Joel, we all miss you, we all love you.

Get around people who have something of value to share with you. Their impact will continue to have a significant effect on your life long after they have departed.

Scout Dies in Grand Canyon,

No Water to Blame

WEST HAVEN- It was three days into their hike at the Grand Canyon National Park when Joel Espen’s Boy Scout group ran out of water.

            Long after the three adult leaders of the group had collapsed under the 112-degree heat, Joel Espen, 16, and Miles McGuire, 17, were rushing to the Colorado River to get water.

            However, Espen never made it to the river. He collapsed from heat exhaustion and dehydration a few hundred yards away.

            “Joel kept urging everyone towards the river,” said McGuire, “Joel gave all he had to help others, including his water. He’s been my best friend for years. That’s just the way he is, selfless and kind hearted.”

            The group consisted of scout master Paul Smith, scouting veterans Lloyd and Glenn Peterson, and five boys. The hikers couldn’t have been more prepared. “The boys knew the area and so did the leaders… Espen’s death was nobody’s fault. It was something that couldn’t be helped.”

            Still, Joel’s death raises questions about the readiness of the group, whose trip was okayed by the Boy Scout Council. Each hiker carried about two gallons of water, which was approved by scout master Smith, who had traveled the route before. However, according to the Grand Canyon National Park, more then twice that much is needed for a three day hike.

            After the group ran out of water, Smith was the first to fall under the heat. He hid under the shade of a rock while the others continued toward the river. Shortly after that, the other two adults needed to stop and find shade. This left the boys on their own.

            “Of all of them, Joel should have made it,” said Smith. “He was the toughest one of all.”

When you love people and have the desire to make a profound positive impact upon them then you will have accomplished the meaning to live.

August 10

Mood: Worried

Music: Crazy- Gnarls Barkley

I went crazy before you left. I guess that I should take some pride in that considering you weren’t what broke me down. However, you were what made me stronger and being here with out you is scary and hard. I don’t know what is going to happen to me with out my brace to hold me up but I’m trying to be strong like you were. I always wished I could be more like you, the one that could fix anything. It must have been a lot of pressure because the family can’t do it with out you. You’re gone and so is everyone else, mentally at least. You didn’t leave anything behind except an everlasting impact on us all. We will never forget you or the lessons you taught us before you left. However, the holes you left in our lives will never be filled they will only widen with time. So, I’m doing everything I can to stay close to you while I can. Starting with this journal, you told me to do it so I did. I remember you saying “Tabbs you are such a great writer you have to get yourself out there. Start with something simple, write a journal.” You were my sunshine Joel, you really were. You could light up anyone’s day, even me the depressed and psychopathic little sister. I’m not sure what it was about you that had such an impact on me, but I think it was the way you looked at me differently than everyone else. You saw me for my potential and what I had hiding way deep down and not just my nerdy shell that pretended not to care what anyone thought.  You told me I was beautiful “Fair of face” to be exact. Like that nursery rhyme you lived your life by, the one that was on your funeral service program. You were the only one who called me pretty and even I didn’t believe you. It wasn’t until after you were gone that I dug deep down to find this “Pretty Tabbs” you saw. You would be proud of me Joel. I feel pretty I’m finally doing something for me, something that makes me feel good and I found my self confidence too. I’m starting to have the life I always wanted. I’m just sorry that I couldn’t do that while you were here so you could see, but I just want you to know that I couldn’t have done it with out you. You were the voice in my head that told me what to do, the hand I could hold when I was scared, and the guiding light at the end of the tunnel. I miss you Joel, but I’m doing alright.

                                                                                                            Until next time,

                                                                                                            Tabbatha

Caring about others, running the risk of feeling and leaving an impact on people brings happiness.

LIFE LESSONS LIST

1. The heart wants what the heart wants

(Mine wants Miles but Miles wants Joel)

2. Getting over a loss is a slow and unsteady process

3. Life is meant to be lived in happiness, not sorrow

4. Sometimes moving on is better than holding on

(Even though it won’t feel like it at first)

5. Everything you do affects someone else

(No matter how big or small)

6. If you love someone let them go

This list is very small compared to all the things that Joel taught me. He wasn’t my friend but he was my boyfriend’s best friend. Miles and Joel were connected at the hip and when Joel left he took most of Miles with him. It was through this experience that he impacted my life as well. Miles couldn’t handle the death of his best friend, it caused something in him to snap and all of a sudden he became a different person. He had a hole in his heart where Joel was supposed to go and in turn left a hole in mine where he was supposed to go. I thought that this hole would never dissolve but as time passed on the sadness began to disappear and my mind began to distance. A new man crept into my life and I knew that I had to let Miles go. I loved him but I couldn’t help him so I had to set him free, he needed to be free like Joel. Everyone deserves to be happy, even me.

As impact becomes even more apparent, it becomes clear that the recovery will be lengthy.

Why is it that I almost died and I can only remember part of it? How come there’s only this one scene, playing over and over, and nothing else? Why is it that I can remember all the things that don’t matter and not the things that do? The pamphlet had a big question mark on it with a bunch of clouds around it, but I can’t remember why there wasn’t enough water, and why I let Joel give his away instead of drink it?

            All I remember is seeing the river, trying to run, but I couldn’t. I was too tired.

            Joel was worse. He was barely even walking, just swaying back and forth.

            But, I could see the river. I was all “Come on, man,” even though talking hurt.

            Joel just smiled. His eyes were all sunken in and it was a smile that didn’t look like one. “My pocket knife is in my pocket.”

            He was delirious. He needed water. “I see the river,” I said. “We’re almost there.”

            “Get my pocket knife out of my pocket,” he said. “I want you to have it Miles. I want you to have it to remember me. I love you.” It was all slurred and mumbled.

            “Yeah, okay,’ I said, and then Joel collapsed, hard, and he hit his head when he fell. There wasn’t that much blood just a thin line down his face, so I thought, that’s a good sign, right? Not much blood?

            Then his eyes rolled back and forth and his breathing got fast. Really fast and I could hear him take each breath. That’s a good sign, right? That he was still breathing?

            “I’m going to get water,” I said. “Just hold on.”

            “Knife,” slurred Joel. “Take the knife.”

I took the knife I still have it. It’s on the dashboard of my car. The car I’m sitting in right now outside of Brother Smith’s house. It was his fault that Joel died, and he should have to suffer like Joel did. He was the oldest. He was the leader. He should have given up his water, not Joel. He should have died, not my best friend. And he should have to pay.

            I see him walking down the street; I grab the knife, and jump out of the car. I flip up the blade; I see his life flash before his eyes, like I did with Joel. My heart sinks.

            I think of the impact Joel had on me and how much I miss him. How much Brother Smith may have impacted someone else and how much they need him like I need Joel. I can’t do it. Joel would have been the better person and forgave Brother Smith. In fact, he probably wouldn’t have blamed him in the first place.

I’m not like Joel, I never have been. Especially now, now that he’s gone. I’m not as strong with out him. I need to find a release from my sorrow. I need to make things fair, but they can’t be. I flip the blade back in and I stand face to face with Smith. He’s shaking I thought that’s what I wanted but its not. It’s not what Joel would want. So I say “He forgives you man. He forgives you.” He just looks at me and I look back. It hurts. I don’t know why, but it does. So I turn around and leave.

            I miss Joel. I’m not the same with out him.

Sometimes the people whom we've know for only a short amount of time have a bigger impact on us than those we've known forever.

 

My biggest achievement, I put alot of thought into this topic, but it was more or less thinking in circles. How exactly do you detirmine how great of an achievement something is and how am I supposed to detirmine what my greatest one is. Thats a toughy. After careful consideration I guess that I would have to say my greatest achievement was recieving a 4.0 all through my elementry and middle school career. However, I hesistate to say that because now my grades have decreased and I dont feel so proud of it anymore. A 4.0 for eight years running (ten if you count the gold stars and smiley faces I recieved in preschool for my excellent coloring inside the lines) is something worth mentioning. It took alot of hard work and studying and I do mean alot. I used to be less social and I think that has alot to do with it, im not saying you cant be social and have good grades but it is alot harder to juggle things. Anyways, in middle school and the years previous to it grades were very important to me, more important than hanging out with my friends on the weekends and before I decided to be highly active in sports. Thats probably how it should be, I mean thats whats going to get me into a nice college someday and get me a job later. I always thought that I wanted to get an acedemic scholarship, man that woulda been nice, my parents would have been so proud. But now that goal seems a little out of reach. If myself now were to talk to myself then, oh buddy we would have some strong words for eachother. Past me would have yelled my head off saying how hard I worked all those years and how I blew it but also that its never to late to better myself and I should start working harder to get straight a's again but present me would say that missing out on highschool memories time with my friends being happy and having fun will mean more to me than a's on a piece of paper when I look back on it I want to be able to say that highschool was the best four years of my life like its supposed to be and not all studying and school work. I guess its a pretty big toss up, but I know with hard work and learning to juggle work friends and school that I could have the 4.0 I once worked so hard for. Hopefully someday soon I will have a bigger accomplishment to blog about, until then I guess ill be working hard.

A world unknown

Karson was the boy that had everything going for him. He had perfect grades, was the most popular guy in the school, captian of the football team, student body president, you name it.. Until one day, the day that he stepped into another world, he lost it all.
He came to school with a glazed over look on his face and the only thing he could say was "If I asked you to jump would you do it?". He went on repeating the same phrase in a monotone rythmic pattern for days on end it wasnt until days of his parents shaking him and questioning him that he had a sudden spasam almost like a siezsure that shook him out of his daze. Even though this was at first a relief it soon became even worse. Karson began to freak out and start talking about a place that was unreal. The scariest part about it was that he talked about it as if he had lived there his entire life and that it was real and the place he was currently in was fake. He would say things that didnt make sense and try to tell everyone that the world was going to end and that they needed to come with him to this other world. Day by day this only became worse. He was constantly in a zone, his school councellor described it as tramatized. He would remain isolated and quiet all day untill all of a sudden he would have a fit. In these fits he would start screaming like he was in terrible pain and start shaking, and then he would start telling stories of his world and drawing pictures on anything he could find.
He had gone from king of the school to a complete joke in a matter of weeks. His friends tried to help at first, his best friend Tanner even went to his house everyday after school for two weeks and talk to him but Karson would just stare at the wall or scream. Tanner was devestated they had been like brothers his whole life. It was too much to deal with so he stopped trying. Karson's girlfriend didnt even give it a day the moment he snapped she declared them over, she couldnt let something like this ruin her reputation. And as for Karsons parents they were at a loss, their only son had gone insane. They tried everything. They sent him to atleast twenty shrinks who all claimed him an impossible case, and even brought him to several doctors. The only option left was to send him to a mental facility.
His room was plain only white walls and a bed but it didnt make a difference for him. The world that he lived in now was not here. His fits did not die down nor did his aloofness. His parents would come in hopeful of some kind of process but the doctor would only tell them bad news, "He's been talking about his world again, the bridge told him to do it, it told him to jump whatever that means" The doctor was very apologetic and claimed that everyone could be broken into and that it was just a matter of time, his parents remained hopeful even though the strain became harder every day. Weeks and then months passed by until any progress was seen. It wasnt until a young nurse named Bliss was hired that anything changed.
She wasnt supposed to work with Karson but she often passed his room she was pulled in by his stories and would sit out side his room to listen. She like the others believed that he was insane, in her mind at least, her years of studying told her that this was impossible. But her gut told her differently because when Karson talked she had a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach. It was almost like she had expierienced it herself a deja vu type feeling like she had dreamed about it before. Eventually it started to get to her and she took a deep breath and finally tried to talk to Karson.
He was having a fit at the time and the doctor was trying to calm him down, she walked right into the room and grabbed his hand "Hey Karson" she said in a calm voice. Suddenly he stopped and looked her right in the eyes he didnt speak but a smile swept across his face. The doctor gasped and rused Bliss out of the room. "DONT EVER DO THAT AGAIN, this is a delicate process and that is not your job".
However Bliss did everything she could to get back to Karson she knew that they had some kind of connection the way that he acted and how she was feeling couldnt be a coincidense. One night her chance finally came. She had to lock up and she was the only worker in the facility, she snuck into Karsons room and said "Take me to this bridge, I want to see your world" He jumped up faster than lightning but then just stood there as if he was in disbelief. It had been three years and not a single person had given him the benefit of the doubt he even started to think he was insane but this was his only chance to prove he wasnt so he took it.
They snuck out of the building and Karson took the keys they drove deep into an abandoned woods and came to a bridge. The moment that it was in sight Bliss got chills down her spine and picture like the ones karson drew on his walls flashed through her mind. Only instead of him it was her as a little girl. She shook it off and as she stepped onto the bridge she took her shoes off grabbed the railing and closed her eyes Karson put his arm around her and for a moment the chills went away she felt safe but she was startled when she heard him talk for the first time "If I asked you to jump would you do it" she didnt answer but instead leaned forward and looked over the rotten railing it was a never ending tunnel of nothingness. She quickly stepped back startled shaking her head and saying "I know where I have seen this place before I used to have nightmares about it when I was a little girl I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming about an unknown world and sweating bullets, this cant be real im dreaming" "will you jump" She grabbed his hand and they dived head first off of the bridge putting their trust into nothing but what seemed to be insanity. She screamed but Karson remained calm. Only a matter of seconds later they found themselves on a bridge like the one they had jusy jumped off of only instead of old and rickety it was new and beautiful. Bliss slowly looked farther out into the distance and saw a place that could only exisit in a dream. But her dream suddenly began to turn into the nightmare she had always known as a voice sounded from behind her "There is my blissful little dreamer and her knight in shining armor, you know he is going to save us all or he will if the rest of the world lets him" She gasped as suddenly more and more memories started to flow back into her head. Everynight she would be awakened by a voice telling her stories of the end of the world and saying that there was only one way to save it and that was for her the dreamer and Karson the Knight to bring everyone to the world unknown. She started breathing hard and freaking out she could no longer tell herself that this was a dream she had to save everyone before it was too late.
She and Karson returned and she too started telling everyone what Karson was saying was true but they claimed her insane as well. She tried to tell the secrets of a world unknown, she tried to save their lives but she couldnt. The world had become closed minded and that would be their end fate.

Watching movies is a favorite pass time of mine. I am constantly watching one after another and when a new one comes out in the theatre I am anxiously waiting to see it. Infact I cant wait till Take Me Home Tonight, Rango, and the new Fast and Furious movie, come out. Take Me Home Tonight is a comedy movie which from the commercials looks like a typical college party scene those kind of movies are always good and filled with laughs I cant wait to see it! Rango, is the cartoon movie starring Jonny Depp. I havent went to the theatres to see a cartoon since middle school however this one is deffinatly worth seeing. I love Jhonny Depp. (P.S. while were on the topic of Jhonny, I cant wait for the new Pirates movie either. Captian Jack Sparrow is the best role he will ever play) The fast and the Furious movie, I saw during the super bowl commercials and I was so excited I have loved the other ones and I think I am going to go see it with my little brother, its kind of a tradition, too bad we have so long to wait. As you can see from just those three movies, I like all different kinds, however, comedy and romance are probably my favorites. Im not too picky when it comes to actors/actresses but I love Jennifer Garner, Reese Witherspoon, Ben Affleck, and Adam Sandler so any movie with them in it is a must see. Infact, one of the best movies I have seen recently was starring Ben Affleck and it was about bank robers in Charlestown. It was so intense and never dragged on it was great!  However, I can honestly say that I do not have a favorite movie, this is probably due to the fact that I have seen so many. I feel as if I have seen all the popular ones of my time and there are so many good ones that it is hard to choose. But I will list a few that I like.
13 going on 30, The longest Yard, Bench Warmers, Step Brothers, Dare Devil, Serendipity, Forrest Gump, Sweet Home Alabama, The Hangover, The last house on the left, Case 39, National Treasure, and Saving Private Ryan just to list a few.