Joel Espen was an angel lended to us by god himself. In life he always put the wants and needs of others before his own and his joy came from giving and helping. He was a modern day superman and you couldn’t help but to love him despite of his different and unique personality. He had an aura about him. Something that made you feel like everything was okay and that is why he touched the lives of so many people. He was a family man and was often seen with his younger sisters Tabbatha and Claire, if he wasn’t too busy helping his parents around the house. He was a great son and brother and it seemed that he was the glue that held the Espen family together. He also spent a lot of time with his neighbors Miles and Norah McGuire. He had found his best friend and girl friend all in one household and they had become inseparable over the years. They could barely go a day with out seeing each other before suffering withdrawals. When he wasn’t with friends or family he was out in the world trying to make a difference, he was involved with boy scouts as well as the church and made the best out of every moment of it. Joel was an extraordinary boy and his life as well as his death made a huge impact on everyone that knew him. But God took him back he needed his angel and Joel was meant for beautiful wings and halos. He was born for helping. We can only hope that he will still be watching over us from up above. Rest in peace Joel, we all miss you, we all love you.
A life is not important except in the impact it has made on other lives.
Scout Dies in Grand Canyon ,
No Water to Blame
WEST HAVEN- It was three days into their hike at the Grand Canyon National Park
Long after the three adult leaders of the group had collapsed under the 112-degree heat, Joel Espen, 16, and Miles McGuire, 17, were rushing to the Colorado River to get water.
However, Espen never made it to the river. He collapsed from heat exhaustion and dehydration a few hundred yards away.
“Joel kept urging everyone towards the river,” said McGuire, “Joel gave all he had to help others, including his water. He’s been my best friend for years. That’s just the way he is, selfless and kind hearted.”
The group consisted of scout master Paul Smith, scouting veterans Lloyd and Glenn Peterson, and five boys. The hikers couldn’t have been more prepared. “The boys knew the area and so did the leaders… Espen’s death was nobody’s fault. It was something that couldn’t be helped.”
Still, Joel’s death raises questions about the readiness of the group, whose trip was okayed by the Boy Scout Council. Each hiker carried about two gallons of water, which was approved by scout master Smith, who had traveled the route before. However, according to the Grand Canyon National Park
After the group ran out of water, Smith was the first to fall under the heat. He hid under the shade of a rock while the others continued toward the river. Shortly after that, the other two adults needed to stop and find shade. This left the boys on their own.
“Of all of them, Joel should have made it,” said Smith. “He was the toughest one of all.”
Get around people who have something of value to share with you. Their impact will continue to have a significant effect on your life long after they have departed.
Funeral Service for Joel Everett Espen
Invocation Todd Espen
Opening Hymn Amazing grace
Eulogy Tabbatha Espen
Speaker Mark Espen, Jr.
Remarks President Brent Bedell
Closing Hymn How Great Thou Art
Benediction Lily Espen
Monday’s child is fair of face
Tuesday’s child is full of grace
Wednesday’s child is full of woe
Thursday’s child has far to go
Friday’s child is loving and giving
Saturday’s child must work hard for a living
But the child that’s born on the Sabbath day
Is fair and wise and good and gay
In loving memory
June 24, 1990 – June 10, 2007
Pallbearers:
Todd Espen
Mark Espen, Jr.
Miles McGuire
Glenn Peterson
Lloyd M. Peterson
Paul Smith
When you love people and have the desire to make a profound positive impact upon them then you will have accomplished the meaning to live.
August 10
Mood: Worried
Music: Crazy- Gnarls Barkley
I went crazy before you left. I guess that I should take some pride in that considering you weren’t what broke me down. However, you were what made me stronger and being here with out you is scary and hard. I don’t know what is going to happen to me with out my brace to hold me up but I’m trying to be strong like you were. I always wished I could be more like you, the one that could fix anything. It must have been a lot of pressure because the family can’t do it with out you. You’re gone and so is everyone else, mentally at least. You didn’t leave anything behind except an everlasting impact on us all. We will never forget you or the lessons you taught us before you left. However, the holes you left in our lives will never be filled they will only widen with time. So, I’m doing everything I can to stay close to you while I can. Starting with this journal, you told me to do it so I did. I remember you saying “Tabbs you are such a great writer you have to get yourself out there. Start with something simple, write a journal.” You were my sunshine Joel, you really were. You could light up anyone’s day, even me the depressed and psychopathic little sister. I’m not sure what it was about you that had such an impact on me, but I think it was the way you looked at me differently than everyone else. You saw me for my potential and what I had hiding way deep down and not just my nerdy shell that pretended not to care what anyone thought. You told me I was beautiful “Fair of face” to be exact. Like that nursery rhyme you lived your life by, the one that was on your funeral service program. You were the only one who called me pretty and even I didn’t believe you. It wasn’t until after you were gone that I dug deep down to find this “Pretty Tabbs” you saw. You would be proud of me Joel. I feel pretty I’m finally doing something for me, something that makes me feel good and I found my self confidence too. I’m starting to have the life I always wanted. I’m just sorry that I couldn’t do that while you were here so you could see, but I just want you to know that I couldn’t have done it with out you. You were the voice in my head that told me what to do, the hand I could hold when I was scared, and the guiding light at the end of the tunnel. I miss you Joel, but I’m doing alright.
Until next time,
Tabbatha
Caring about others, running the risk of feeling and leaving an impact on people brings happiness.
Dear family,
You probably didn’t even notice I was gone; We live in the same house, but it might as well be different worlds. We all are locked up in our rooms moping about Joel every second of the day. That is not what he would want. In fact he would want the exact opposite and I know that for a fact. I talk to him a lot (I’m not crazy I promise). I talk to him in the mirror, and I ask him what he would tell me if he was here. He gives me advice just like he used to. He told me to look inside myself and follow my heart and that I had far to go in my life. I can’t stop just because he is gone, I have to keep dreaming and reaching for the stars. He was my big brother and his life as well as death had a huge impact on me. I wanted to be just like him. He inspired me. However, I have realized that I can’t be Joel… I have to be Claire. The only thing that I can do is learn from him, listen to him, and find myself in the process. That is what I am doing. That is why I am here in New York
XOXO,
Claire
P.S. Don’t worry I’ll be home sooner than you can miss me.
You can never have an impact on society if you have never changed yourself.
How can you be so mean?
We weren’t even friends
You liked my brother not me
You came over and were such a tease
It was raining outside
You took off my shirt
You smelled of orange tic-tacs
And you smiled a smirk
You kissed me I thought you loved me
But no you just left
That’s the last time I saw you
But there are questions I kept
I have so many things left to ask
I feel that now I have to hide in a mask
I can’t show the tears I cry
I can’t be moping about some guy
You’re already gone
You weren’t even mine
I wish I knew if your death was a sign
I can’t tell if you ever loved me
But I was in love
It might have been short lived
But it was enough
I never had anyone
No mom no sister no brother no dad
They might have been here
But they still made me sad
You made me happy and then you left
It was only a second
But it’s the one I kept
I can’t let it go
You made an impact on me
It continues to grow
The way you helped everyone
The ones you didn’t know
You had such a radiance
You were always so nice
Was your life a sacrifice?
I really did love you
I promise that’s true
Why did you leave Joel?
Do you miss me too?
My heart has stopped beating
Your kiss was the seal
Because the boy with the orange breath
Stole Cinderella’s heel
You must get involved to make an impact.
GEOMETRICAL SHAPES
BETH
This is my debate partner she is absolutely clueless. She is ruining my life because she made me loose. I never loose. Winning means being smart and being smart is the only thing I’m good at and she is taking that away. With out my intelligence I have nothing, but I think I might like it.
KJ
X needs to be more symmetrical
This is my brother; he is the most popular guy in the school. I hate living in his shadow. Even with the brightest light in the world I know I will never escape it. I will never be able to live up to him. I will never be any where near as good as him.
DAD
X needs to be in perspective
This is my dad he is reading and studying as always. This is the only way I ever see him, and the only way I can make him proud. But, it is the only thing keeping me from being free. I’m caught in the middle.
CLAIRE
X Nothing?
This is Joel’s little sister, this is the best picture I’ve ever drawn. I did it with out thinking, I felt it. My mind was on Joel. Joel was a classmate of mine that passed away recently. It is weird how we were never close but I feel like I knew him somehow. He was that one kid who didn’t care what anyone thought he did what made him free no matter what. I think that I’m going to follow in his footsteps, funny how a stranger can make the biggest impact on you.
Impact, it can affect change - it can not only move us, it makes us move.
LIFE LESSONS LIST
1. The heart wants what the heart wants
(Mine wants Miles but Miles wants Joel)
2. Getting over a loss is a slow and unsteady process
3. Life is meant to be lived in happiness, not sorrow
4. Sometimes moving on is better than holding on
(Even though it won’t feel like it at first)
5. Everything you do affects someone else
(No matter how big or small)
6. If you love someone let them go
This list is very small compared to all the things that Joel taught me. He wasn’t my friend but he was my boyfriend’s best friend. Miles and Joel were connected at the hip and when Joel left he took most of Miles with him. It was through this experience that he impacted my life as well. Miles couldn’t handle the death of his best friend, it caused something in him to snap and all of a sudden he became a different person. He had a hole in his heart where Joel was supposed to go and in turn left a hole in mine where he was supposed to go. I thought that this hole would never dissolve but as time passed on the sadness began to disappear and my mind began to distance. A new man crept into my life and I knew that I had to let Miles go. I loved him but I couldn’t help him so I had to set him free, he needed to be free like Joel. Everyone deserves to be happy, even me.
As impact becomes even more apparent, it becomes clear that the recovery will be lengthy.
Why is it that I almost died and I can only remember part of it? How come there’s only this one scene, playing over and over, and nothing else? Why is it that I can remember all the things that don’t matter and not the things that do? The pamphlet had a big question mark on it with a bunch of clouds around it, but I can’t remember why there wasn’t enough water, and why I let Joel give his away instead of drink it?
All I remember is seeing the river, trying to run, but I couldn’t. I was too tired.
Joel was worse. He was barely even walking, just swaying back and forth.
But, I could see the river. I was all “Come on, man,” even though talking hurt.
Joel just smiled. His eyes were all sunken in and it was a smile that didn’t look like one. “My pocket knife is in my pocket.”
He was delirious. He needed water. “I see the river,” I said. “We’re almost there.”
“Get my pocket knife out of my pocket,” he said. “I want you to have it Miles. I want you to have it to remember me. I love you.” It was all slurred and mumbled.
“Yeah, okay,’ I said, and then Joel collapsed, hard, and he hit his head when he fell. There wasn’t that much blood just a thin line down his face, so I thought, that’s a good sign, right? Not much blood?
Then his eyes rolled back and forth and his breathing got fast. Really fast and I could hear him take each breath. That’s a good sign, right? That he was still breathing?
“I’m going to get water,” I said. “Just hold on.”
“Knife,” slurred Joel. “Take the knife.”
I took the knife I still have it. It’s on the dashboard of my car. The car I’m sitting in right now outside of Brother Smith’s house. It was his fault that Joel died, and he should have to suffer like Joel did. He was the oldest. He was the leader. He should have given up his water, not Joel. He should have died, not my best friend. And he should have to pay.
I see him walking down the street; I grab the knife, and jump out of the car. I flip up the blade; I see his life flash before his eyes, like I did with Joel. My heart sinks.
I think of the impact Joel had on me and how much I miss him. How much Brother Smith may have impacted someone else and how much they need him like I need Joel. I can’t do it. Joel would have been the better person and forgave Brother Smith. In fact, he probably wouldn’t have blamed him in the first place.
I’m not like Joel, I never have been. Especially now, now that he’s gone. I’m not as strong with out him. I need to find a release from my sorrow. I need to make things fair, but they can’t be. I flip the blade back in and I stand face to face with Smith. He’s shaking I thought that’s what I wanted but its not. It’s not what Joel would want. So I say “He forgives you man. He forgives you.” He just looks at me and I look back. It hurts. I don’t know why, but it does. So I turn around and leave.
I miss Joel. I’m not the same with out him.
Impact, it hits you like a ton of bricks and the sting isn’t quick to leave. It was a vague theme to use for my project but it was also the most important aspect of the book. You see, The Way He Lived had a separate chapter for each person Joel made an impact on in his life and each person had a very different and unique personality. I couldn’t have combined them in any so; I kept them separate and chose the genre that best fit the character I was writing for. For example, I used a diary journal for Tabatha for a few reasons. First, she was the kind of person that kept everything to herself but was boiling over with feelings on the inside; the only way to truly get to know her was through her diary. I also chose this genre because in the book Joel told her to write a journal and I thought that was a good way to tie her and Joel’s impact together. For Claire I did a post card because the most important part of her chapter was how she needed to get away from everything and how New York
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